A-word Youth

Greetings, earthlings! What's goin' on, beautiful people. If you're like me, your answer going something along the lines of everything and nothing at all or I can't call it! Thus the subject of this blog. You know, I've realized that, because of the events and the stresses of life, I tend to not fully be able to but into words where I stand emotionally or mentally. I've been in places where I've stressed out or worried myself to tears about things that I face. Now, I guess as a means of coping and trying not to worry, I've become an A-word Youth...

Main Entry: ap·a·thet·ic
Function: adjective
: having or showing little or no feeling or emotion
- ap·a·thet·i·cal·ly /-i-k(-)l/ adverb

ap·a·thet·ic

–adjective

1.	having or showing little or no emotion: apathetic behavior.

2.	not interested or concerned; indifferent or unresponsive: an apathetic audience.

Yep, in a lot of areas, I've become quite apathetic. In one respect, I kind of feel it's a good thing because it does stop me from having to deal with my wavering emotions or worrying excessively about things that I have to face. On the other hand, I can see in different areas how my being apathetic has made me not "look forward" to certain things (i.e.. graduation, marriage, jobs...) A lot of my apathy is the result of past failures and disappointments. Because I wanted something to happen a certain way or at a certain time and it didn't, my method of coping was that I stopped caring. 2 other area where I see this is (1) in the area of a job/gig and (2) my car. These are 2 things tied to finances and because the desired results have not happened in the time that I hoped, I have become apathetic about them both to a degree. It's sad though, because finances are not one of those things you can throw into the abyss and forget about. It's always in your face. Whether it's wondering what you're going to eat or how you're going to pay for something. It's always there. Thereby, my apathy in that area tends to be short-lived and I try to come out and do something about it and it doesn't happen so I go back into the cave to see if I can throw it deeper and hope that eventually it will take care of itself.

Apathy, in a lot of ways, has become a way of life for me. I know that there are some things that suffer as a result of it and we'll see how those turn out in the by and by. But for right now, I am made the first step- admitting where I am. What happens now, I don't have a clue but we shall see... Until next time, peace be!